My biggest regret in life so far is that I didn’t join a queer youth group when I discovered I was gay in my teens.

I would’ve made queer friends way earlier, and I would’ve felt much better about being gay. I would’ve had a support network, role models and mentors who could’ve helped me understand socially what it means to be gay. I would’ve become more involved in the queer community. And I do believe I probably would’ve met a great guy and started a romantic relationship.

The reason why I didn’t go to a queer support group all those years ago was because I still wasn’t completely okay with being gay yet. I honestly wasn’t ready to associate myself with queer people yet, even though it was exactly what I needed. During my teens, I indulged in self-pity, and I took a twisted kind of pride and pleasure in being the lone suffering, misunderstood gay in the midst of straight girlfriends. How stupid was I, lol…instead of writing a hundred songs about my straight crushes, I could’ve actually had a relationship with a gay guy.

The damned “what if”s…who knows, though? Maybe I still would’ve have clicked with anyone even if I did start going to the 519 when I was 15. Maybe things wouldn’t have been so different anyhow. If the only thing I had in common with someone is being queer, that isn’t enough to guarantee friendship or romance.

On the other hand, the people who I have met and kept in my life are all pretty awesome. I wouldn’t trade them for another group of friends or a boyfriend.

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Mon plus grand regret dans ma vie, c’est que je ne suis pas devenu membre d’un groupe queer quand j’ai découvert que je suis gai.

J’aurais fait beaucoup plus tôt des amis queer et je me serais senti beaucoup mieux d’être gai. De plus, j’aurais eu un réseau de soutien et des modèles, des mentors. Je me serais engagé dans la communauté queer. J’aurais même rencontré un bon type et commencé une relation amoureuse.

Je n’ai pas fait tout cela à cause de la crainte et de l’incertitude. Je n’étais pas prêt à m’associer aux gens queer. J’ai même cédé à l’apitoiement sur moi-même, comme c’était une forme de plaisir de souffrir, d’être incompris.

Et si, et si…mais ça sert à quoi ? Devenir member d’un groupe queer, cela n’assure pas que je recontrais des gens compatibles ou sympathiques. D’un autre côté, les gens que j’ai recontrés que j’ai gardé dans ma vie, je ne les échangerais pour rien au monde.